Feet on Bunks

*Originally posted on Substack on July 10, 2023

I first heard “feet on bunks” while volunteering at Camp Sunburst in 2005, a summer camp for children either with or living with someone AIDS/HIV positive. This was a safe place for these kids to gather, have a sense of community and normalcy, and enjoy all the fun summer camp activities. The days were packed full, except for this protected time after lunch everyday, where we went back to our bunk rooms for “feet on bunks”. It didn't matter what they did;  read, nap, draw, or daydream. They simply had to have their feet on their bunks and be quiet. I began to love this time myself and saw the benefit of it not only for the kids but for the counselors as well.  A forced break in the middle of the daily busyness to be still, regroup, and reemerge rested and ready for what’s next. It was a game changer.

A few years later when I had my own kids, I knew I would enforce a strict feet on bunks policy in our own family as well. I realized this time not only gave me a much needed respite in the middle of long days, but protected my kids energy as well. Their little cups would get so full, this was a time to stop all the input, a time to assimilate, rest and be peaceful. I noticed they were more pleasant, we had less meltdowns and tantrums and they had better resilience the days we did feet on bunks. I ended up benefiting from their feet on bunks time as much as they did because they were easier for me to parent. My kids' days were more enjoyable, and so were mine!  I protected this time as best I could for as long as I could. 

I can’t help but think of this now in terms of boundaries, and how when we have them and enact them, everyone wins. 

I was reminded again of this concept of protecting energy in 2013 while living in Pasadena with two young children, a husband with a crazy work schedule and a new town with no family or friends nearby. It was challenging being so isolated, and I found myself reading two books simultaneously that changed my life. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, and A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. This idea of being patient with myself, including myself in my circle of compassion began to seep into my day to day life. I was actually embodying what I was learning and was seeing subtle shifts that made life feel more at ease. 

It was mind blowing yet so simple. 

When I was kind to myself, I was kinder to my kids. When I was patient with my own mistakes, I was more patient with theirs. When I saw myself with compassion in this challenging time, I had more compassion for my husband. This time around, I protected and cared for my own energy. I wasn’t focused on protecting anyone else’s energy but my own.  And my family benefited greatly. It was another win-win situation.

As I now move through this phase and all that comes with the season of midlife, raising teenagers and greater responsibilities, I am again thinking about feet on bunks. Thinking about protecting my own energy, and how much everyone around me benefits when I take care of myself with kindness and compassion. I am better able to respond not react. My kids benefit as I am more able to stay in my energy and not get hooked into theirs. This is a practice. It requires a regular routine of meditation, journaling and breathwork while protecting my sleep and stress along with deep conversations with those who help hold this space for me. It’s not perfect, it’s a practice, and one I am committed to keeping. 

And I may even reinstate feet on bunks. 

But this time, just for me.